سرگشته ,Wayfarer ,Miriam Aghazade ,Maryam Aghazade, میریام , مریم

Even when it seems all of your dreams have come true, you should always be prepared for the other shoe to drop. Its a universal law, and universal laws aren’t there just for fun.

Little touches, brief glances and fleeting smiles … sighs in darkness … the smell of your skin on my fingers and the sound of violin that plays in the dark.

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter,” God said on the seventh day.

To burn with passion, to drown in sensations, to forgo reason and dance in rapture… of being alive.

To touch, savor, crave, even go through withdrawal.

Dreamed of you again last night, and the night before that…

I don’t know where were we. The only thing that I remember so clearly is that you were holding my hand, the sun was warm on our skins, and I was savoring the feeling of you beside me once again.

And now I feel lost without you here.

It has always been like this. I always dream of you, and when I wake up I feel such loneliness, such sorrow… that I don’t want to begin the day. I just want to stray back into that dream and be with you again.

I will see you someday in the world of the real, won’t I?

Tonight I’m strangely tired…

Tired of searching and never finding.

Tired of paying for every decision I make.

Tired of always choosing the hardest road.

Tonight I only want to to be empty, of everything.

I’m writing this here, now, to remember what i want to say about life unlived, passion unawakened, romance untasted, dreams unfolded…

Someday, not too far away I hope, I will return to this page and tell everything.

‘It is just a dream,’ I keep telling myself. But this doesn’t make it any less real.

I still wake up, with the bitter taste of grief , and reach for you, in vain.

Your presence lingers in the room, I can sense it, as if you have been here, beside me, in silence.

Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t dream of you, but then, this is the only thing I have… memories and dreams.

This year is about to end. A most strange year; it started with lots of hope, with happy moments and colorful memories, and a future that looked so bright.

And then, those magical days of electoral campaigns… green days, days when we had something to fight for; for once in our lives we felt that we could do something for ourselves, for our people, and for our country.

And then there were days of fire, blood, sorrow and pain. Days when every moment was a heavy burden and future seemed so bleak. Yet even then all hope was not lost, and some things found meaning once again; things like courage, faith, loyalty and passion.

But in the middle of the darkest hour of the longest night of my life perhaps, my destiny was revealed, I found my faith in Gods once again, and life led me towards a new path…